May 30th, 2025
How do I get locked in when it comes to doing stupid stuff like researching and fiddling with how to get certain things in an outdated video game, but I struggle to focus on doing anything actually productive? I think its just because Im not used to it? I stopped consistently drawing a long while ago, and every time I stop doing something its hard to start it up again because it feels familiar. Yet the catch with me is that once it DOES feel familiar, I can lock in for hours due to my obsessive nature. I think the whole reason I keep falling back into old mentalities is due to how ingrained it is in my system and the lack of exploration I do in finding new things to fixate on simply because I rarely branch out. I have to keep pushing myself out of my confort zone but also in a way where I feel as though I am not being robotic, I get caught up in the whole "creating routines" stick that I burn myself out as I obsess over the routine itself than the actual things Im doing. Its an balancing act between trying to keep things simple yet organized.

I like drinking, it makes me feel closer to God. Gotta be responsible though.